I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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