I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
