It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
