You're completely useless in the revolution.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
