Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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