I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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