I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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