I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
