A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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