why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i drank out of a bidet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
