i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
