Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
