I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize