You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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