i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
