What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
