its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
