That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
