It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
