In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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