Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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