So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
