My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
