When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
