Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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