Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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