I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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