I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize