Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
