tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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