I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize