This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
