You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
