u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
