Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
