i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
