I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
