You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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