i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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