you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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