i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
