I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
as a side note pls kill me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
