It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
