dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
