exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
