true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
