And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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