i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
