about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
