If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
