This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
