I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
