i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
