I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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