dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
