No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
