I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had sex on a roof
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
