somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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