You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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