drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
