i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
