Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize