I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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