I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize