I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
