Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
