So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and she was petting her beer can
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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