I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
