"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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