If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
