we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
