You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
