i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
