Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just had sex bonerless
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
