She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
