I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
