I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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