I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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