mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize