Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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