So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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